Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Ghoulies Review Deux

Authors's Note :: I technically should be studying for finals right now, but my level of procrastination and desire to just be done is so high that I just have to add the companion review right NOW.

Ok, Ghoulies was another entry into the bad movie collection of things that we watch. Keep in mind that all we knew about this movie was that it was made in the 80's & hence had the potential to be really lousy. Sounds awesome right? Well, first I'm going to give you my interpretation/review & then we'll consult Wikipedia to see how much of it I got right.

So right off the bat, we're in the middle of some Satanic ritual, possibly attended by storm troopers. Then, the dude comes out with green eyes (glowing green eyes I should say) & starts sprouting electricity. Clearly he's a Sith Lord working for the Empire--no other logical explanation. Darth Satan starts to summon the actually creepy ghoulies (you've got to give them credit for something in this film) & prepares to sacrifice a baby (his son) until I'm assuming his mother stops him & Obi Wan saves the baby. Momma's dead & the baby's safe.

Mind you, all that's just happened happens without any explanation or character development. Heck, even by the end of the movie we don't even know who Obi Wan is or why he saved the baby (henceforth known as Luke). Things kind of just happen in this movie & the audience is expected to know what's going on. It was frustrating. Digression over.

Luke "inherits" his dad's creepy house & he and his girlfriend Leia decide to fix it up. I say "inherits" because who left his the house--both his parents are dead. Anyway, it didn't matter that the house was inexplicably thrown his way, covered in cobwebs, & had a GRAVEYARD in the back, no, this was clearly a good house to stay in. Luke makes the brilliant decision to quit school to work on the house which slowly turns him to the dark side like his dad. Glowing eyes, summoning of evil monsters, the whole thing.

Luke & Leia throw a party for their idiot friends where they fall under Luke's curse. Oh yeah, Leia's his zombie now too, I failed to mention that mainly because this movie was so terrible. Anyway, the ghoulies kill off the friends, but oh no! Anakin rises from the dead! Luke with his trident (because he's Poseidon now?) is doing some more evil with his zombies & midgets (yeah..that happened) when Anakin crashes the party & takes all the evil away from Luke. After literally being evil the entire movie, Luke is now the hero as he saves Leia & the 6 or so people that he killed come back to life. One of those people was strangled to death by the tongue of Anakin in drag, so obviously the people writing this movie didn't care anymore either. Just when it seems all is lost, Obi Wan appears & has a Jedi battle with Anakin, giving everyone time to escape. As they drive away, Leia asks Luke if it's all over. "Yeah it's done" replies Luke as the ghoulies appear in the back seat. End.

A few more points before we consult Wikipedia:
-Leia not only was the daughter of Big Bird & Lucy, she also dressed like Lydia from Beetlejuice. Stay out of that movie lady.
-This movie was kind of similar to Logan's Run in the sense that things would just happen without filling the audience in on anything.

Huh, so Wikipedia didn't explain much except for the fact that there were sequels made. 3 to be exact. Further review on IMDB hasn't given any more information. I'm just going to assume that the Star Wars interpretation is right.

Pew pew pew!

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